


The Perfectionist

by Softy_Spidey



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bad Decisions, Blood and Violence, Dark, Insecurity, M/M, Non!YouTubers, Self-Hatred, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 09:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20079688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softy_Spidey/pseuds/Softy_Spidey
Summary: After a sudden altercation in the middle of the night that would lead to a troubling circumstance. Phil finds the need to “Improve” everything in Dans life no matter the consequences.





	The Perfectionist

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello there welcome to the perfectionist.  
I'm gonna be honest here this is the first time I've actually written something in along time and tried sticking to it so it may not be perfect (pun not intended) but I hope you guys enjoy and I'd love to hear your thoughts! 
> 
> (I'd also like to thank galacticpie.art (you can find them on Instagram!) for all the wonderful input I don't know where I'd be without them honestly. )

**.... **

I drop the broken piece of vase that once held a small plant that had surprisingly lived as long as it did. I stood there in silence shocked while trying to process the horrible action I had just committed. My mind was swirling with anxiety. I didn't mean for this to 𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯. My eyes wondered down to floor and caught a glimpse of the little blood that had began to trickle from his scalp before quickly looking away. I was scared now, I didn't mean for any of this to 𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 I just didn't want him to 𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦. I had to call someone but who could I trust enough to help me through this?

“Pj.”

I hear myself say. Yes, I'll call Pj, he'll know what to do. I hope. I quickly ran to my room scrambling for my phone as I pulled Pjs number up. God I hope he picks up. The ringing felt like it went on forever and almost felt deafening until suddenly I hear a groggy “hello?...Phil? It's the middle of the night what's wr-” Before he could finish his sentence I immediately cut his words short with my crying and rambling, I didn't mean to suddenly break down but the realness of the situation was starting to set in.

“Phil, Phil calm down what happened? what's wrong?” I hear Pj say, his voice going from sounding tired and abit irritated to calm and concerned. I tried my best to regain my composure but at this moment it was damn near impossible. “take deep breaths Phil, deep breaths” I hear him tell me. I do as I was told and took a couple deep shakey breaths that eventually got me calm enough to talk to him. “okay, okay..now what's going on?” I bite my bottom lip in hesitation how was I going to explain this to him?

“Phil?”

“..we had a fight. A big one. ”

I hear myself finally say aloud. “you and dan?” he says right after. I nod into the phone before mumbling the word yes. “okay where is he now?” he then asked me. I grip the bottom of my shirt with my other hand, I could feel a lump beginning to form in my throat.

“he's here. But he's not okay.”

“What do you mean by tha- ”

“Pj could you please come over? I really need you..”

Without any further questions Pj soon agreed to make his way on over as fast as he could, leaving me in silence once our call had ended. While waiting for his arrival I walk back into the lounge coming face to face with the horrendous sight again. I felt sick. Pieces of the vase were scattered everywhere while the piece I had dropped earlier had seem to position itself next to the body of my housemate. I winced abit as I swallowed. I then slowly got down on my knees next to him and studied him, if it weren't for the bit of blood steadied dripping from his scalp you'd think he was sleeping. As I continued to look at dan in his current state my mind began to wonder back to how this all came to be. Everything was fine, nothing particularly off about the day whatsoever. atleast I thought anyway. It's only typical of me to not ever see the bigger picture, I hadn't the slightest idea how stressed Dan was at the time. There really was no telling for me how long he had it all bottled up for but what ever seemed to have plagued his mind eventually started to seep through in the form of irritation over the smallest of things which I usually just waved off and assured him it was okay. Though eventually one of those little things would lead to a whole disastrous late night feud between the two of us that brings me to the present problem . I didn't ever think it would end the way it did. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do! I just, I just wanted him calm down. Which sadly was something I was incapable of trying to help him do. I either was too tongue tied or found words to say that just only made the situation worse. How could I be such an idiot?

_ knock,_ 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘤_k_

I quickly snap out of my thoughts. Pj was here. I hurriedly got up and practically sprinted for the door. When opening it I wasted no time pulling him inside then shutting and locking it again. Pj blinked and then looked around. “Jesus Christ Phil...” he stated as he quickly walked over to dan kneeling down and immediately started feeling for a pulse. 

“why didn't you call for an ambulance??”

My eyes widen while I struggled to find words but only managed abit of a stutter , I swear I wanted to kick myself then and there. Some good friend, “soul mate” I turned out to be not only did I cause Dan so much trouble I practically killed him.

“he's still breathing.”

Or not, thank God.

“his pulse is very faint but it's there” Pj says as he turns his head to look up at me. “We have to get him to a hospital”. I swallowed thickly and only nodded.

**~~~~**

So there we were, sitting in a hospital waiting room in awkward silence. It was painful. The moment we walked in Dan was rushed into a room once the nurse at the front desk caught a glimpse of him. After that we were told to sit and wait for further notices. I sat there staring blankly at nothing, chewing on the edge of my thumb while anxiously bouncing my leg unknowingly. Then within seconds my mind began to drift into a very dark place. What if Dan doesn't make it because of all the time I wasted by panicking? What if he does and wouldn't want anything to do with me ever again? Honestly if he decided to cut all ties with me after this... I wouldn't blame him. I've been such a horrible friend lately. How could I have not known he had been so stressed out?? Am I really that oblivious? If it had to be anyone to be knocked unconscious by that vase it should have been-

“Phil?”

I jerked in my seat and then turned to look at Pj who I had forgotten was here for a moment. He looked at me with a worried expression. “yes?” I replied meekly not quite meeting his eyes.

“just making sure you're still down on earth with me buddy. You looked so spaced out.”he said with sort of a chuckle. I gave a small side smile and let out a soft laugh myself. “I'm still here, I'm just worried about him.” I told him as I looked down at the floor. He sighed and folded his arms. “yeeaaah I know. Me too.” Yet again the silence began to settle back in but before it fully could Pj would ask me the soul crushing question I wanted to avoid so desperately but I knew I couldn't. He was going to ask it eventually.

“Phil if you don't mind me asking, ” he started, “what exactly did happen between you and dan tonight?”

“Yes, Pj. I mind it alot.”

Is what I wanted to say to him but of course I didn't. I slumped down in my seat biting the inside of my cheek. “well, I guess I do owe you a proper explanation for getting you out of bed to come help me.” I said in a soft tone.

“I mean you don't have to tell me now if you-”

“no, no it's fine. you deserve to know.”

I sat up in a more comfortable position and turned my head towards him finally meeting his curious yet still tired eyes. While we continued to wait for a word from the doctor I explained to Pj how dan had been rather short-tempered lately and that I didn't think it was anything too serious until tonight, although before it all turned for the worse all through out the day Dan was in a pretty pleasant mood suddenly wanting to do everything for me from washing dishes, cleaning up, getting us something to eat, and doing the laundry. He didn't want me to do a thing. When upon asking him why the extra courtesy he just shrugged and said he just felt like being nice and that I deserved a break. When it was finally time to get ready for bed. He insisted on washing clothes, Dan had already done so much today that I would suggest on just washing them tomorrow but he did them anyway, however not even twenty minutes later I would hear him loudly cursing to himself in the laundry room. I did of course go in there to see if he was okay. Apparently he had accidentally made a hole in one of my shirts. It was a pretty old one so I told him was nothing to fret about, it was gonna happen eventually right? But oh no this was a big deal to him. To Dan it was like the worst crime he could have ever committed. I had never seen Dan so distraught as he was then, what ever had his mind so clouded was certainly coming out in that moment. I tried my best to comfort him but he'd only push me away, rambling on and on about things such as how he couldn't do anything right and that I deserved better which only made me more confused and worried. I truly wanted to say something to make him feel better but I couldn't. I was speechless, all of it was just so sudden. He would then tell me how I should be mad at him which I would promptly ask why? I had no reason to be it was an accident. However, that response only seem to have frustrated him more. The next thing I knew he'd start hitting and pushing me which surely caught me by surprise. As he did He'd yell at me about how I should be furious and that nothing was okay and that I shouldn't be so accepting about everything . I'd try telling him to stop and calm down but none of my words seemed as if they were getting through to him. He was blinded by rage at that point. I tried backing out of the laundry room to put a space between us but he followed me out giving me one good push in the process that made me stumble back and almost fall.

“TELL ME, ”he'd say to me his cheeks were reddened and stained with tears. “TELL ME THAT YOU HATE ME!!!” Of course I refused to say such a thing because I didn't, again I had no 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 to. Dan had never done anything to me that would make me ever want to hate him. If he did it was only in a playful sense. After refusing and questioning why I would ever have some kind of hatred towards him he'd only look at me than scoff assuming I was playing dumb, but I genuinely meant it. Before I knew it he was grabbing his shoes and heading for the door. Nervous, I quickly ask him where was he going especially at this time of night.

“I need some time to think.” he uttered bluntly not daring to look in my direction. “about what??” I questioned him further, “Dan please just talk to me! tell me what's wrong, what is going out there at this hour going to do? ” He stayed quiet for a minute before turning his head slightly to glance at me then finally spoke through gritted teeth. “talk? There's nothing to talk about,” he looked away facing the door again bending over and forcibly slipping on his shoes , “why not just admit that You want to hear me say how..how disgustingly incompetent I am.” he stands up straight then winces at the door and his voice softens but had a slight tremble to it.

“plus... going out is good, maybe even beneficial to you because there'd be no telling if I'd be back. ”

My eyes widen I couldn't believe he had just said that, what was he implying? Was he gonna try something once he had left from here? No he couldn't, he wouldn't! I quickly sprinted in his direction grabbing his arm begging him to stay and just talk to me but he refused. He yanked his arm from out my grasp and looked at me with his big watery brown eyes and said that this was for the better, on the bright side he would no longer be a burden to me. My heart would break into pieces upon hearing that , why would he ever feel that way? To think this all started over a old ragged shirt. Before I could say anything I found myself yet again at a loss for words. typical. Even if I couldn't use words I knew had to act fast to prevent Dan from fully stepping a foot out that door, I was not going to let him leave to possibly hurt himself especially over something I had yet to fully understand. I looked around hoping for a solution to jump out at me,I then made eye contact with a small vase holding a some what healthy plant in the corner of the room. So with quick movement and irrational thinking I grabbed the vase and like a flash of lightening the vase was broken,water with bits of the plant were everywhere and Dan was out cold on the floor which brings us back to the current issue.

Pj bit his bottom lip. “Phil I.. ” he started but his voice trailed, he didn't know what exactly to tell me and who could blame him honestly? One thing was clear though I nearly killed the most important person to me tonight and I hated myself for it.

“I just wanted him to stay I-I didn't want him to get hurt, ” I said with a sigh, “but in the end he did anyway and it's all my fault.” I turned away from him and looked down at my lap, my vision was starting to blurr and tears began to run down my cheeks. Of course I would start crying now, how pathetic could I possibly be? “hey, phil? Don't be so hard on yourself.you were both in a tough spot, you had no idea things would have gotten that bad.” Pj would then say to me finally finding the words he wanted to voice. I sniffled and shooked my head. “I should have though! I was supposed to be the one that would always be there for him no matter what and I couldn't even do that for him...” I said in almost a whimper then buried my face in my hands. “I feel so useless.” I mumbled from beneath my palms.

“excuse me, Which one of you are Phil Lester? ”

a soft voice spoke up. I looked up from my hands towards the sound and see a young man with dirty blonde hair dressed in pale blue surgeons scrubs standing above me and Pj. “That would be him.” Pj would say kindly speaking for me. I straightened myself up and nodded “yes that would be me” I confirmed. The young man gave a soft side smile and extended his hand towards me. “hello I'm Dr. Hal, I came to give you an update on your friend.” I got up from my seat and took his hand shaking it firmly. “how is he doing? Is he alright? ” I asked him quickly bombarding him with questions, my hand still clutching his. He nods and pats my hand with his freed one as if asking for me to loosen up it's grip.

“Well we got the bleeding under control and he is stabilized but he is suffering from some head trauma, do you have any information that I need to know on how this may have happened?” he then says with one eyebrow raised looking between me and Pj for answers. I bit my bottom lip. I don't think telling him that I struck Dan with a vase would be a very good idea.

“ we were playing a game of adult hide and seek freeze tag tonight-not safe for children- and we may have gotten a little too carried away and our friend there might of hit his head a little too hard from trying to move out of his hiding spot rather too quickly. ” Pj spoke up lying through his teeth faster then you would see a car zipping down the street. Dr Hal stood there for a moment then looked at me. “dah-true story. We like to get wild on the weekends” I added trying to sound convincing as possible. “tonight was abit crazier then others I'm afraid.”

“I'll say..”Dr. Hal replied “Lets try to bring it down a notch, okay? Because your friend will certainly need some down time. ” “Of course, we'll try not to get too frisky next time during our late night gatherings. ” Pj assured him with a light chuckle. I honestly didn't think you could make something sound even worse then it already was but now I'm pretty sure that Dr. Hal low-key thought we had a bizarre secret arrangement going on but better that than reality I suppose. “well it was decided that we're going to keep him over night just in case anything changes.” he then announced which made my heart sank but was kinda expected. “can we see him?” I then asked my voice cracking a little.

“oh yes, of course.”

Dr. Hal then led me and Pj down the hall of the hospital guiding us to the room where Dan had reside. When he opened the door we were met with the sight of Dan laying in the bed with his head bandaged up. He was still unconscious but looked better then he had before. I walked over to him, carefully studying every aspect of his figure then gently took his hand in mine. A wave of guilt came over me. “I'm so sorry Dan.” I said in a whisper. I squeezed his hand lightly, oh what I would give to be in his place. He didn't deserve any of this. I wish he'd wake up right now so I could tell him how truly sorry I was for all of this. “he's gonna be okay Phil.” I hear Pj say immediately retrieving me from my thoughts, I look over to see him giving me a soft reassuring smile. I gave a weak one in return then sighed. “ I hope you're right..”

Eventually it would be time for Pj and I to take our leave, it was getting really late now but apart of me desperately wanted to stay at Dans side. I didn't want to leave him alone like this I mean, how could I? What if He wakes up the next day confused and terrified to suddenly find himself alone laying in a hospital bed? But then again if I stayed wouldn't I just be making it worse?

“come on phil, we'll be back tomorrow. I promise you Dan is in good hands .” Pj persuaded as he took my arm gently tugging it. I would softly reply with a simple okay and allow him to lead me out of the room, my eyes remaining on Dan until he was no longer in my line of sight.

**~~~~**

Pj was indeed right about going back to the hospital the following day, in fact it had become a daily pattern for almost a week. Dan had remained in a comatose state that would cause me to grow afraid that he wouldn't ever come out of it. Dr.Hal would inform us that usually comas can last atleast several days or even weeks, his injury wasn't severe to the point of no hope though so really it was all based on patience. Nearly two weeks would pass And little to nothing had changed. The nurse would positively let us know he had made some improvement, he was showing little signs of movement whenever being touched or hearing sounds so things were indeed starting to look up but of course I wouldn't be entirely relieved until he had fully came around and soon enough I would finally get that. Home and exhausted I wouldn't Get any form of rest that night, I'd lay there on my bed flat on my back staring at the ceiling dwelling on my thoughts until the sun had risen. Doubting I would ever get some sleep I eventually decided to get up, put some clothes on then make my way to the infirmary. Once on the bus I'd send Pj a text letting him know that I had gotten up early and would already be at the hospital and that he could come whenever he was ready. Upon arrival I greeted the nurses at the front desk and grabbed a chocolate bar from a vending machine to make up for breakfast (very healthy choice I know.) then moseyed on down to Dans room. When reaching his door I stopped in front of it feeling a little hesitant. I quickly shook it off though and took a deep breath before opening the door and quietly entering the room.

“heeey I'm back again Danny.” I'd say in gentle tone only to be greeted by the sound of the heart monitor. No sign of any change, he still looked the same. I sigh softly then pulled up a chair that was in the corner of the room next to Dans bed then carefully sat down in it. “I guess you could say I missed you so much I just had to come back bright and early. ” I added with a dry chuckle. The sound of the machines hooked up to him would again be the only reply I'd receive. I furrowed my brows and then just took a moment to really look at him. His brown curls were desperately trying to sneak out from underneath the bandages wrapped around his head and his skin looked as if it had gotten paler. A small lengthy tube was inserted up one of his nostrils being his only source of nutrition, He also seem to have lost abit of weight but that's not too much of a surprise due to his current condition. I let out a frustrated sigh as I dropped my face into my hands.

“oh, how did it all come to this? ” I muttered to myself, I lifted my head from underneath my palms and glanced up at him once more. A flash of that very night would replay in my head giving a cruel reminder that it was because of me he was laying there. He was laying motionless unwillingly on a bed that wasn't even his own in a deep slumber that a gentle nudge couldn't even wake him from and I was the one who put him there. “I'm really sorry Dan,” I said to him softly a tremble hinted in my voice. “none of this should of happened I..” my voice trailed and I bit my bottom lip. I could feel tears beginning to form in my eyes. “ I shouldn't have been so careless. I really let you down...but please, please just come back to me, I swear to you if you wake up” I reach for his hand and held it tightly as I could with a determined expression. “ I will make this right, I'll do better. I'll 𝘣𝘦 better even if that means I'd have to go miles away I will for whatever it takes to make it up to you, but you have to wake up for me first...” I begged, tears steadily running down my cheeks. The sound of beeping from the monitor would yet again accompany me while I sniffled softly. It's amazing how you can feel so alone when you're not. Defeated, I loosen my grip on his hand and go to lay it back by his side but before I could I realized that it had began to slowly grasp my own. My eyes grew wide, I swear my heart jumped into my throat just then. I looked up at him and like that his eyes fluttered open. “mmh..wha....” he said in a low slurred raspy tone that was almost a whisper then craned his head in my direction squinting a little. “p-pheewol?... ”

I gasped softly then squeezed his hand gently as if to give him reassurance. I did my best to hold everything in me to not throw myself at him and flood every crevice of his face with kisses. “yes, yes I'm right here.” I'd tell him in a gentle tone. He groaned softly in return then tried to sit up but I quickly stopped him from doing so. “wait don't move just, just lay down...I'll be right back okay?” Dan let out a low weak whine at this. I think he was starting to realize where he was now. I patted his hand one more time before getting up from the chair and hurried out the room in search for a doctor or a nurse. after I finally found a nurse and explained to them that Dan had awoken from his Coma they sprung into action, receiving help from another nurse near by and contacting the doctor they would all soon enter the room and get to work. They'd let me stay and watch intently from the side as they'd constructed mini physical tests, and made sure Dan was comfortable. He wasn't very fond of all the commotion happening around him.

“welcome back Mr. Howell you've been out for quite some time ” one of the nurses would say with a soft smile once they finished up. Dan blinked and furrowed his brows slowly. “.. how long have I been out for? ” he'd ask softly his voice still groggy. “for almost two weeks I'm afraid. ” The doctor would add carefully as he documented new information on Dans current status, Dans eyes slowly widened at hearing that . His response to this was barely audible. the only sound he was able to produce was a small squeak. He would than gaze up at me with his afraid big weary brown eyes and mouth the words

'what happened?'

I Gave him a sympathetic look than walked up to his side once I was able to again. “It's...” I sneakily took a glance at the nurses and the doctor than returned my gaze back to dan. “it's complicated.we'll talk about it later.” I'd tell him finally as I rubbed his hand comfortingly. After a while they would soon exit from the room leaving Dan and I alone once more. I would sit across from him in the chair again with my hand clasped together tightly in my lap and he would lay there in the bed staring intently at ceiling as if he were in deep thought. For a moment there wasn't much said at first but I would eventually break the Ice. “I really missed you.” I say speaking the first thing on my mind.

“I was so afraid you were never going to come back.” Dan let out a weak breathy laugh at this notion. “oh come on phil. It would take for something horrendous as a permanent WiFi outage to take me from this world” he would joke which got me to chuckle abit. I sighed and shuffled in my seat uncomfortably before looking up at him. “Dan, before I get into details. do you remember... anything that happened?” He stayed quiet for minute, carefully thinking about his next response I assume than shook his head slowly.

“I don't.”

he whispered. “I don't remember a thing. I mean I literally,,,feel like I had just went to sleep last night in my bed only to wake up in a hospital room being suddenly told I was out for a couple weeks...” he gripped his sheets lightly then let out an exasperated sigh that was followed by a small frustrated chuckle.“I can lay here and think all I want but I can't. Recall. A damn thing..” I bit my bottom lip then thought for a moment. Dan really couldn't remember anything that had happened that night huh? It had gone from his mind. Erased even, perhaps that just might of been for the better. Maybe this is the second chance opportunity I need to make things right with him. A new 𝘉𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨. He didn't 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 to know the real truth but he could go by a different truth. A more simpler truth.

“well, we had quite a good time that night, we went out for drinks and you might've drank more then you needed. When we got home I didn't know just how good you were feeling and because of that You took quite a tumble and hit your head pretty hard, ” I lie to him, “I thought I had made sure you didn't over do it but somehow you slipped under my radar.” after finishing my fake explanation of the truth to him Dan squinted a little as he took in all that I had said. I hoped it was believable, it's ever so rare that I've actually tried to use lying to my advantage especially over something serious as this . I'd then feel my heart skip a beat when he finally let out a little ‘huh’.

“ I really did that? Well I ... I guess I got carried away.” he'd say thoughtfully but yet perplexed trying really hard to remember. I sighed softly with relief then gave him a side smile. I felt bad for lying to him I'll admit but it was for a good reason. If he had known what really happened well everything that went on that night no doubt would be an issue again and I don't want that. I want this to be treated as a fresh start for us. This time I won't make the same mistake I did before. I won't be so unacquainted and careless. I'll be there for him and he'll never have to worry about getting hurt by anything or anyone, I'll be sure of it no matter what the cost. I gave a light nonchalant chuckle and patted dans arm.

“we all get a little carried away sometimes, don't we?”

**Author's Note:**

> ~That's it! It was pretty long I know so if you read all of it well congratulations it truly means a lot to me I hope you guys enjoyed and perhaps stick around for what's to come next~


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